Zen in 2010

You know that feeling you used to get in the pit of your stomach when you were in trouble with Mom and Dad as a child? I have had that feeling since Monday night in Frankfurt, and have been unable to expel it. What started as a small problem that I thought I could help someone else with exploded by Monday night into a problem that I didn't want to be a part of.

Yesterday's flight was pretty miserable. I don't deal well with someone being angry with me - even if the reasoning is completely unreasonable. After the madness of a 12+ hour flight with OB not speaking to me, I was so relieved to be home with Darling Hubby, it wasn't even funny. Poor man had to put up with my horrendous mood after the craziness. Going to the office today, my first thought was, 'Thank God OB is off today. Maybe a day apart will be good for everyone.' I came to two realizations shortly thereafter:
1. While OB is a complete ass most of the time, I still hate seeing someone struggle when no one else will support them. Whether or not I was in the wrong, not getting along will make me so miserable that it becomes worth it to consider apologizing simply to get along with those I work with.
2. OB isn't the only thing making everything crazy there. He is a contributor but even in his absence today, there was still drama and still shenanigans. I can't handle the idea of always having this drama, whether or not OB is working there.

From what I know, I believe OB will not be back again. I think his office will most likely be clean by Monday. I feel like I need something different NOW...but I can't find it. I feel like if I quit now, people will think I'm quitting in support of OB. That's not the case. I just want to be done. I want to find sanity again - that happy, settled feeling that has been missing...