New Year, new choices

Every year, it's so easy to set goals for the coming 365 days - to say that "By next January, I will be xxx pounds lighter, I will run a marathon, I will have developed a career I love." However, having learned a little something about myself in the last year, I'm not going to set new year's resolutions this year. I'm going to set new MONTH'S resolutions. Each month I will determine what changes I know I can make in my life and I will put those changes in place. Once one change has been mastered, I will be able to add the next step. Knowing the sort of mental organizer I am, I firmly believe that building on past successes throughout the year will make a difference in future successes. Each of my resolutions will be based on action, not on an endpoint. For example, rather than stating that I want to lose X pounds in the first month, my goal would be to exercise three times a week. I can ensure that happens, whereas I cannot ensure the weight loss to accompany.

That being said, I have a few resolutions for the coming month to get my year off to a positive and pleasant start.

Eating: Restaurant visits will be limited to one per week. Even with self-employment, I have been visiting restaurants far too often...and not good ones that I can write about on examiner.com (except Thirsty Lion, but that's another story...)

I will change as many grains that we consume to whole wheat/whole grain foods as possible. It's time to remove processed foods from our diets.

I will cook at least one meal per week with Li'l Miss. She enjoys cooking and it's a great opportunity for me to teach her healthy, natural cooking. She has moved up from Sous Chef to Executive on things like Devin Alexander's macaroni and cheese and my spaghetti. I think we can try something a little more challenging than that.

Home: This will make OTL happy - he would like a cleaner home...my goal for January is to keep the bottom floor clean. Part of this is to teach the shorties to clean up their messes, which they have greatly improved at over the last month...I have faith in them. Then if all goes well, I'll tackle the (insert sinister music here) crafting room.

Job: I plan to devote, in January, at least ONE hour a day to writing. This should be easier, because I have removed all of the time-wasting games (buh-bye Frontierville) from my Facebook. Admittedly, I will still be playing Tetris in the hopes of winning an iPad, but that's a worthwhile pastime, right???

Exercise: Lastly, I will make it to at least half of the tap classes this month. It's not a ton of exercise, but it's a beginning...and a fun, noisy one at that.

Wish me luck over the next thirty-one days! If you care to join me, let me know. I can use support, and I'll offer it.

Boxed Brownies - reduced fat, reduced flavor?

In a recent conversation with one of my favorite pharmacists, she commented on my predisposition toward using applesauce as a substitute for oil. She said there was no way that low-fat brownies made with applesauce tasted the same as regular brownies with oil. While I know that to be the truth, I have grown up with the reduced fat version and never saw a reason to try the full-fat.

So, upon reflection, I decided it was time to taste-test. While the kids were playing, I made two batches of brownies. Both the same brand, the same kind. I cooked them both for exactly the same amount of time in the same pan. I mixed them for the same duration and used cage-free organic brown eggs for both.

The experiment was fruitful. I learned a few things, namely if you use applesauce instead of oil, cook the brownies for a shorter time period. They will lack some of the moisture of a regular brownie, so if you undercook by a smidge, it will help. Also, you may want to use a blend of applesauce and yogurt or applesauce and pudding. There are a lot of fat-free diary products which may add some good moisture. I plan to continue to tackle that experiment shortly. I also learned that I have apparently fed my children low-fat baked goods for far too long. The Boy complained that the full-fat brownies were harder to chew. The chewier texture was a turnoff for him apparently. At least I know they'll be healthy...

New job, new life, new habits...?

It's official. It's officially official. Aside from the fact that I still work there, I have officially quit. And for my going away...they have asked me to train three new people starting this week. Apparently, Boss 1 has never considered what a disgruntled soon-to-be ex-employee might say to the three new kids; but whatever. I'll be a team player. This could be fun.

Being home more provides me with the hope (if nothing else) that I'll be able to work on relearning the healthier habits I had before I worked for KAI. I truly want to improve my exercise habits again. I miss walking and jogging. I've also been enjoying cooking while I'm not working. The Girl and I have made cookies (which we promptly delivered elsewhere, to get them out of the house), brownies (we tried making both regular and low-fat to compare the two. That's an entry in itself), and homemade mac and cheese (still searching for a better and healthier recipe). I also had a chance to make the Decadent Diet's Sinless Yet Sinful Sticky Buns. HOLY COW! They were delicious! Now, admittedly, they weren't as "low-fat" as I would have hoped, but if they were I think they would have been significantly less tasty. And they were reduced quite a bit in fat and calories from the traditional sticky buns we could have indulged in. They were universally enjoyed, and not just of the "it's good for being reduced fat," variety.

I'm hoping that now with the official changes, life will start to feel calmer, that I can regain the illusion of being in control of my own life, if only for a short time. I'm hoping to let go of the need to constantly be on my guard and focusing on self (well, aside from the blogging...as that is sort of the function...). I'm hoping to find a healthier place in my next place of employment. I really don't see where it could be less healthy, so I guess I'm on the right track already.

Putting the Monday into the week...

I'm completely exhausted. This has been a crazy week...and it's Monday. After a weekend of nursing my little girl through an ear infection, migraine, and some other sort of viral/bacterial issues, and sleeping in her room to ensure her 104 degree temp didn't climb to 105, today was definitely the cherry on that sundae.

We woke up this morning to get The Boy ready for school (letting The Girl sleep in after a, shall we say, "restless" night). She came along to drop off, in her jammies. Once we got home, we called to make an appt with the doctor, since she was still so sick and still complaining of an earache. So, just prior to lunch, we set off to see the amazing Dr. Rosenbloom (whom I love and am so glad we have as a pediatrician). He looked The Girl over and determined that she's really sick. Gr. The best solution was to put her on antibiotics, because "it'll kill what it kills and whatever's left can't be killed in any other way...the body just needs to fight it off."

After leaving Dr. Rosenbloom's, we head directly toward Safeway, where one of my favorite pharmacists was already preparing The Girl's drugs (the other favorite pharmacist is married to said pharmacist). By the time we arrived, he already had everything ready. This was fabulous, as I had been dragging around a 5-year-old in footie pajamas for far longer than ever intended.

We got home, ate a hideous macaroni and cheese lunch, then lay down to rest, as neither one of us slept last night. An hour later, it was time to retrieve The Boy from school. As I prepared to get him, I realized I may well have a migraine starting myself. I took some drugs, picked up Footie Jammies and loaded her into the car, and headed up to the school.

We picked up The Boy, his coat, backpack, lunchbox, and some homework for The Girl, and loaded the crew back into the Mamamobile. On the way home, I asked him to confirm he had his homework. The response was negative...so we turned around and headed back to school to excavate the papers in his desk until we could find his assignments (in the presence of the substitute, who was unable to assist us with the search). We came home and finished the first segment of assignments, then I allowed The Boy the chance to go play with the neighbors. He was so excited to go up to the cul-de-sac and play with the boys. It's the first time we've ever allowed him to ride his bike in The Sac, but at 8, I figured it was time.

Fast forward five whole minutes. There's a knock at the door. A neighbor is there, telling me to get to The Sac -- stat. The Boy had gone over his handlebars, face first into the pavement. Screaming, crying, blood, and part of a tooth in a kitchen towel belonging to someone (I'm not sure whom)... Chrizz came running down to my house to watch the cootie-stricken Footie Jammies while I took The Boy to the ER. That was at 4:00 PM.

Four hours, three RNs, one doctor, two X-ray technicians, and one radiologist later, we had our diagnoses: contusions to the mandible, concussion, abrasions, lacking most of one of his baby teeth (although we can't quite tell, because of the contused mandible), and needing stitches, this kid had had a tough night. In order to give him the stitches, they decided to "wrap him up" a little like a burrito...in a full-body straight jacket type outfit. Once they had him Velcroed in, they started by giving him a local anesthetic. I watched them insert the needle in the right side of his chin, and as they inserted the medicine, I watched it squirt back out the left side of his chin. I thought I was going to throw up. They gave him 8 stitches...one for every year of his life, and he looked at me and said, through a mouth which barely moves, "this is my fault. I wanted to go bike riding." I wanted to cry.

The outcome is as follows: he can't eat solid foods for a few days at least; he can't exercise for 10 days, for fear he might re-bruise the brain; he's frustrated, angry, and sad...and tonight, instead of sleeping with sick, ear-infected, headachey Footie Jammies, I'll be sleeping with concussed, contused, sad No Jammies. Aunt Struck was kind enough to bring food for me and liquid sustenance for The Boy. But, hey...at least I stayed home from work. I can't imagine what I would have done if this had happened when I wasn't here. Of course, if I hadn't been here, it probably wouldn't have happened.

Day 55 - Finding inspiration

Travel season has descended upon us. Dealing with the realities of traveling to places like Las Vegas and Frankfurt has frustrated some of my efforts to lose weight. The great thing is that with each of the trips so far, I have come home barely over where I started (which with O'Reilly's Pub and "Donner Kebaps" in Frankfurt, I was kind of surprised by).

But if I needed a jolt to get me fully back on the wagon, I got it yesterday. Last night was (yes, I'll admit it) Bunco night with the Girls in the 'Hood. While there, we often eat, drink, throw some dice, and drink and eat some more. My good friend J, who is also a foodie, has been changing her eating habits and running more, and has lost about 20 pounds. B, who really doesn't need to lose ANY weight that the rest of us can discern, said through some method she's using she has lost 8 pounds. I have been stagnant with the travel and the stress of dealing with B1 and OB. These two women served as an excellent reminder to me that no matter what is going on in my life, socially or emotionally, I need to find a way to be healthy for ME. I feel better when I exercise. I feel better when I eat right and wake up each day feeling just a little bit lighter. I feel better about myself, which gives me the courage I need to make the right choices in other areas of my life.

Thanks, ladies, for providing the inspiration. When I hit my goal, I promise I will sing you a verse of a new song, "You Make My @$$ Smaller."

Zen in 2010

You know that feeling you used to get in the pit of your stomach when you were in trouble with Mom and Dad as a child? I have had that feeling since Monday night in Frankfurt, and have been unable to expel it. What started as a small problem that I thought I could help someone else with exploded by Monday night into a problem that I didn't want to be a part of.

Yesterday's flight was pretty miserable. I don't deal well with someone being angry with me - even if the reasoning is completely unreasonable. After the madness of a 12+ hour flight with OB not speaking to me, I was so relieved to be home with Darling Hubby, it wasn't even funny. Poor man had to put up with my horrendous mood after the craziness. Going to the office today, my first thought was, 'Thank God OB is off today. Maybe a day apart will be good for everyone.' I came to two realizations shortly thereafter:
1. While OB is a complete ass most of the time, I still hate seeing someone struggle when no one else will support them. Whether or not I was in the wrong, not getting along will make me so miserable that it becomes worth it to consider apologizing simply to get along with those I work with.
2. OB isn't the only thing making everything crazy there. He is a contributor but even in his absence today, there was still drama and still shenanigans. I can't handle the idea of always having this drama, whether or not OB is working there.

From what I know, I believe OB will not be back again. I think his office will most likely be clean by Monday. I feel like I need something different NOW...but I can't find it. I feel like if I quit now, people will think I'm quitting in support of OB. That's not the case. I just want to be done. I want to find sanity again - that happy, settled feeling that has been missing...

Day What? Superbowl Sunday

It's rare that I look forward to the end of the weekend, but this year I find that happening more often than not. This particular weekend went by like a couple of workdays, only faster. Starting with a family dinner Friday night to celebrate The Boy's birthday, then moving on to Saturday, which held appointments (shorter hair, y'all), laundry, cooking, rehearsal, Valentines, thank you cards, and homework...only to finish up with a Sunday which held a birthday party (hosted at Safari Sam's to save my sanity), more homework, finishing the Valentines, packing the kids' bag for next weekend, grocery shopping, gifts purchased, baking, and of course the SB with the Saints winning.

I'm glad the weekend's over.

Food-wise, what I'm learning more and more is that I do better with a regimen. On weekdays, it is so easy to do what needs to be done because it's so specifically scheduled that my body gets hungry at the right times, thirsty at the right times, and I just follow "what I always do." On the weekends, I don't sit and drink water like I do at work; I don't eat snacks at predetermined times because I'm not eating meals at the "right" times. So typically, I lose weight during the week then maintain over the weekend...blah. I'm debating between two options right now which I think will definitely help in the weight-loss arena. Number one: write down every item I put in my mouth (even those "fun size" candy bars I steal from Diane's desk...and while we're on the subject, the irony of "fun size" is one of those phrases that I think could earn its own entire post). Number two: photograph every morsel that I put in my mouth. While I think journaling my food would be helpful in my success, I think the horror of having to LOOK at pictures of what I ate would be that much more compelling.

So I was really looking forward to trying Devin's new Peppermint Brownie Pizza. Unfortunately, I was running a wee bit short on time and had to make boring reduced-fat brownies for the teachers. I will DEFINITELY be making this delectable looking treat when I return from Frankfurt. In the meantime, I firmly believe I will be the only loser packing an entire bag of protein bars and fresh produce for Germany. I figure I will need the bag to bring back whatever little German tchotchkes (if they're German, can you call them Tchotchkes or is that strictly a Russian thing?) I pick up for the kids, so I might as well take it over there with healthy foods that I can make use of. Do they take away produce coming out of the US, or only coming in?